I’m not going to pretend that I’m about to give you some in-depth political observations that you couldn’t find over at Salon.com or the New York Times or The Daily Kos or The National Review. I’m most certainly not smart enough to crunch all of the numbers and I’m not enough of a seer to be able to tell you what it all means. I’m also not going to pretend that I don’t have any leanings, that I’m an objective observer, because I’m most certainly not.

What am I going to do here, then? Well, I’m going to do what my mother always told me to do, my best. I’m also going to get that damn Micro Machine out of my mouth, stand up straight and wash my filthy hands. If I’m going to follow one of my mother’s tenets, I might as well follow them all.

Jump, bitches!
I’ve found myself thinking, over the past few days, about what exactly the Iowa Caucus means. It wasn’t a primary, and we’re still very early in this whole process, even if it seems like it has been going on forever (and it has). If anything, New Hampshire should be more important, but we’re all still hung up on Iowa, even while New Hampshire is just around the corner. Why is that? Why should we all care about what a bunch of corn and hog farmers think?

Because a state that’s something like 97% white decided that, on the Democrat side at least, a black man was the best person to lead our country. The rest of us should stand up and take notice. Right now.

Let’s not pretend that there still aren’t racial divides in our country. The Civil Rights movement was a very important thing, and it made us more equal across the board, but you can still scare the shit out of a lot of people in this country by proposing that a person with brown skin should lead or represent them. It’s an ugly truth that simmers just under the surface of our national discourse. And let me clarify, I hate racism of any kind. Just hearing about it makes me sick to my stomach. But I’m not going to tell myself it’s not prevalent. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know people who are prejudiced against blacks or asians or mexicans or whatever, because I do. I’d say it’s a good chance that you do, too. It’s a sad fact of life that needs to be changed, but probably never will. We are, at heart, very petty beings.

So, do I think it’s a big deal that Barack Obama won Iowa’s caucus? You’re damn right I do. Never mind that he lived in Kansas for a time and is from just over the border in Illinois, it’s still a coup. Not as big as it would (will?) be if he wins South Carolina, but still, pretty big.

I also think that it speaks volumes that Edwards came in second, and that internet love-toy Ron Paul doubled up “America’s Mayor,” Rudy Giuliani.

I also find it amazing that Fred Thompson is still awake.

Various polls in New Hampshire over the weekend either had Obama and Clinton tied for the lead, with Edwards nipping at their heels, or had Obama opening up a 10-12 point lead. They also show that Huckabee is running a distant third to McCain. Does that represent us as a country more than Iowa? It’s hard to tell and I find it baffling that we even try.

For me, polling what the results of the first primary is like trying to anticipate whether or not I’m going to buy a Diet Coke or a Diet Vanilla Coke. No one should care, because in the end, it’s my damn Coke, not yours. When I start buying soft drinks for the whole country, then we can all start worrying, because I’m getting you all some Diet Fruit Punch Shasta, suckers!

What about Mike Huckabee? Well, to be perfectly honest, I haven’t paid much attention to him. The guy doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks that God is aiding his campaign, so I really don’t care much what his position is on our stumbling economy or the debacle in Iraq. He’s a chucklehead, as far as I’m concerned.

It’s not that I hate Republicans. Not at all. Early on, when there was still a possibility that Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel was going to run, I could’ve been persuaded to at least listen to what he had to say, and if I didn’t like any of my other choices, possibly vote for him. But that didn’t happen and now we have a mormon, a baptist preacher and a cross-dresser leading the pack. Sounds like a bad joke waiting to happen. And let’s not forget John McCain, a guy I liked eight years ago, before he attached himself to the belly of George Bush like a lamprey.

It really says something about your options when a nutty libertarian with two first names (Ron Paul) is making the most sense and almost seems like a viable option. Apparently, Duncan Hunter is still in the race, too. I have no idea who he is. Fred Thompson was in Die Hard 2…so he’s got that going for him, I guess.

The truth is, the Republicans have fractured their base almost down to the foundation and it shows. Huckabee won Iowa on the backs of Evangelical Christians, but now that they’re in New Hampshire, a state full of granite-headed realists, he’s polling at a distant third. There’s the possibility that by the time they get to South Carolina, which is practically Fred Thompson’s backyard, we could have a third candidate win and McCain, the current leader in New Hampshire, could be in Huck’s position.

Meanwhile, look at the Democrats. For all intents and purposes, it’s Obama, Edwards and Clinton, splitting the votes in nearly clear thirds. Richardson is a 2% afterthought, a nice enough guy who’s just sounding desperate when he rattles off his insane amount of experience at every level. Look, Bill, it’s not that we don’t like you as a friend, we’re just not sure we want to go steady.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, sure, the primaries are fun and all, but maybe we should all calm down a bit. We still have over 300 days to go before the election and we’re already sprinting. We need to settle in, find our groove, because this is a distance event. It’s going to take awhile and one state’s preference really shouldn’t have any bearing over another’s. We’re a republic of fifty individual states, each different from the other, except North and South Dakota, who really should just be called Dakota, already. We should be thinking about who we as people want to represent us, not who Iowa and New Hampshire and South Carolina say the rest of us should want. We’re grown states and we can think for ourselves, dammit!

But, again, none of this is well-thought out political commentary. I didn’t do a ton of research. I don’t have dozens of footnotes to back up all of my assertions. I just have my opinions and a relative interest in politics. I’ve been paying attention, sure, but I’ve also been wondering what else is on TV.

So, take all of this as you will.