Man, what an exciting weekend! I mean, it had everything- pageantry, excitement, suspense and even the requisite cathartic release. Wow. I’m still trying hard to recover.

Of course, I’m talking about the lead-up to what politicos call “Super Tuesday” and what New Orleanians call Mardi Gras, which is French for “let’s get shit-faced and throw colorful beads at women so they’ll show us their goodies.”

But, like the agendas of our current administration, I am not in New Orleans, so let’s stick with Super Tuesday. This is a horse-race, after all. I put all my money on Chunk of Love. He looked like a solid bet, even if it’s jockey seemed startlingly large. Almost looks like he’d be better served killing and eating that horse. Do you think it’s still too late to change my bet?

But seriously, this election is about the future of our country. Of course, every election is about the future of the country, but this one gives us the choice to vote for something new. Notably, a black man or a woman. It’s an embarrassment of riches, really. Of course, that’s just on the Democratic side of things. The Republicans are letting us chose between a crusty old war-mongering, maverick white guy;

John McCain- Brains…brains…

a religious southerner whose biggest accomplishment to date was losing a ton of weight and pandering to his base, with his bass (as in guitar);

Mike Huckabee- I’d feel better voting for Jared, the Subway guy

a Constitution-loving, big-government hating, anti-war nut who may or may not be a racist-but still makes more sense than most of these guys(also, he gave us the delightful new term, Paultards);

Ron Paul, seen here trying to be heard over the screaming of his opponent’s egos…

and, finally, a Mormon

AP File Photo of Mitt Romney

Quite the choice, right? Three old white guys and a muppet who can’t decide if he’s for or against gay marriage. (which means a lot, coming from a guy with a hand up his behind)

Meanwhile, on the Democratic side of things, you have history either way you slice it-

Hillary Clinton, on a recent airing of the Today Show

Barack Obama, with good friend Jim Henson, before Henson passed away…

Our choice in on Super Tuesday will be a historic one and the first major step to winnowing our way down to the final two candidates. After that, the script reads much like one of the Highlander movies. One candidate bests the other in an epic sword-battle, cuts off their opponents head and absorbs their essence.

Election ‘08, there can be only one.

So, we either decide to stick with the old guard of crusty, grumpy white guys (or, notably, a mormon muppet) and Miss Piggy or Kermit the Frog.

Personally, I have to say, it ain’t easy being green…

The resemblance is uncanny…