Sorry I’m a little late with my post today. I arrived to work this morning under a barrage of sniper fire and my whole day has just been screwy ever since.

But I’m not going to complain. I’ve dealt with things worse than sniper fire. I’ve had to withstand withering attacks from the GOP attack machine over the years. Yet, I’m still standing after that horrible experience that I’d rather just allude to than actually have to talk about in detail, much less have to release detailed breakdowns of my comings and goings. You should trust me to be true to my word, whatever it happens to be on whatever topic I’m discussing at the moment.

See, I have an abundance of experience. 35 years of it, to be exact. That’s right, a full 35 years of experience being me, which is way more experience than my competitor could ever hope to have. You should all be worried that my competitor has less experience than I do, very worried. Because, if they don’t have as much experience, no matter what it’s in, as me, then they’re probably not qualified. You wouldn’t want someone that’s no qualified, would you? Especially if they may or may not be a secret muslim who hates America and everything it stands for?

I thought so.

I’m not saying. I’m just saying.

Furthermore, I deserve this. After everything I’ve been through, with my 35 years of experience and my withstanding all those attacks from the vast right-wing conspiracy, I’m vetted, I’m prepared. You can’t say that about my opponent, can you?

And who cares if my opponent holds many of the same views as I do? Who cares if my opponent’s ideas happen to be more forward-thinking and happen to ask more out of you? Is that what you really want, to be asked to do something? Wouldn’t you rather that I did it for you? Do I need to reference my experience in vague terms once more? Fine. I have a vast amount of experience. 35 years of it. I care, deeply, about whatever it is that you may be going through. You could even say that I feel your pain…although I wouldn’t say that. I’m different like that.

Sure, some of you (okay, a lot of you) seem to think that my opponent is better than I am. I’ll be the first to say “I told you so!” once your fairy-tale comes crashing from the sky and you realize that you can’t win with someone who hates doesn’t love America and who may or may not be a radical Muslim who wants to turn this country over to the terrorists.

Of course, I didn’t mean all of that. Or did I? Whatever. I’ll let my opponent answer that for himself.

Vote for me. Please? If you don’t, I may cry, or put on the ruse of nearing tears, because all of this is so very hard and tiresome. But I’m tough, and I’ve weathered the storms and I’m still here, and I brought my 35 years of experience with me, dammit! My opponent doesn’t have that kind of experience, nor the balls intestinal fortitude to do what I’m ready to do. Besides, I waited my turn. I’m next in line.

It wouldn’t be fair if I were not to win. It just wouldn’t be fair…it was my turn. Not fair! My turn!

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