Every year, Republicans of all stripes get together at CPAC to celebrate their diversity.

I’m kidding of course. The most diverse the GOP can get is the Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, a black man who is whiter than I am. Don’t believe me? Need proof? Okay.

Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party’s principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

That’s from an article in the Washington Times and those phrases in quotes, yeah, they’re direct quotes from Mr. Steele. Still don’t believe me that this guy is whiter than I am?

“Tonight, we tell America: we know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad,”

My Bad? Off the hook? Urban-suburban hip-hop settings? I mean, honestly. I know that you’re a Republican, but that doesn’t mean that you have let go of all of your blackness. This guy probably had his ass pigmentation altered to make it whiter.

This CPAC thing, which stands for Conservative Political Action Conference, is really quite the event. All of the kooks come out of the woodwork to attend. There have been speakers questioning our newly-elected President’s country of birth,

people selling Obama Waffles, a horribly racist joke product and…hold on, here’s a pic of the Obama Waffles:

Of particular note is the image of Obama on the top of the box. See it? Yeah, that thing on his head is a turban. Stunning. Just stunning. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the narrow-minded shit that one finds at CPAC…

Joe the Plumber! Yes, Joe the Plumber was at CPAC. He was signing books. Not just any random books, but a book that he apparently wrote. Signed five of them. Five. Okay, so maybe these conservatives aren’t completely stupid. Just racist and fear-mongering.

One more thing, that statement by black-white guy Michael Steele about how the last eight years can be washed away by simply saying, “My bad.” Well, wing-nuttress Congresswoman Michelle Bachman (R-MN) had an enthusiastic response for Mr. Steele when she took the stage,

“Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man.”

Michelle Bachman; embarrassing her fellow Minnesotans on a public stage for far too long…

Despite all of these missteps and embarrassments, CPAC will roll on through the weekend. You’d think that they’d stop at “Al Franken and ACORN; How Liberals Are Destroying the American Election System.” I mean that’s a pretty big statement coming from a group of people who had a President who was elected in two very contentious elections, including one that he actually lost, but then magically won. Not to mention that the guy that Franken has beaten, Norm Coleman, stated before the recount, when he was winning by nearly the same margin that Franken has beaten him by, that Franken should conceed. Now that Coleman is losing, he’s throwing a tantrum and CPAC is holding a seminar on how evil Franken is. Sour grapes, anyone?

And don’t forget, while at CPAC, you can attend a Public Speaking Workship. That’s not a typo. Workship.

3:00
Public Speaking Workship
Congressional B
Sponsored by The Leadership Institute
Open to all CPAC attendees

I love attending workships. You learn so much about sea-faring. Which will come in handy when the GOP’s big white whale takes the stage tomorrow. Yes, bloviating blowhard Rush Limbaugh is speaking at CPAC. Remember, he’s going deaf, so clap extra loud. Thunder sticks will be available at the door.

Similar Posts:

• Joe the Plumber refuses to just die with dignity.
• Obama vs. McCain: Who be the Next President? (Share your thoughts)
• Obama to give up his Blackberry? What will he do?
• My Best Friend Lied to Me About Crypto Sporidium
• Anyone Got a Fiddle?