Since today’s Pennsylvania primary is the next step in the fake election that’s technically already decided but continues onwards because everyone in this country likes to think they’re watching a real fight, it seems oddly appropriate that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton took their messages directly to the people most inclined towards that kind of a scenario - WWE fans. And, hey, John McCain showed up too, because he was in the area and didn’t have anything else to do.

Behold, the beginning of the end of everything as we know it:

This is what happens after eight years of letting a moron be President. There’s no going back. Elections will hereafter be decided based upon which candidate is best able to recite Stone Cold Steve Austin’s catchphrases.

So since these are the new rules, here’s my new favorite candidate:

Yeah, that’s right. Dwayne Alozando Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. He’s not bitter, just extremely pissed off. He doesn’t need a flag pin, since he wears the goddamn flag. If he wants to eat his waffles, you better shut your gob and let him or you’re gonna be eating a piledriver. And when he flips you the bird, you’ll know it. Because it will KILL YOU.

Put that on your bumper and like it. And that’s the bottom line, because Erik Hagen said so.

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