Stop me if you’ve heard this one - a hideously deformed outcast child in a setting with other children falls victim to a cruel prank gone wrong, causing his untimely and unintentional demise! Also, just as if it can’t get any worse, his spirit starts to haunt the orphanage he lived in along with the six other kids savagely murdered by the grieving and vengeful mother! Yes, that is right, that’s the story of The Orphanage, a movie that slips on a fake mustache and in return, gets comparison to last year’s Pan’s Labyrinth. What an insult.

The story is that a mother, Laura, has an adopted child named Simon that claims to have “imaginary friends”. This happens to occur suspiciously recent after they had moved into their new house that used to be an orphanage. Of course, she completely disregards the information, thinking that it’s just typical “kid is too lonely so he uses his imagination”. Who can blame her? But however, it really takes a turn for the worse when suddenly one fateful afternoon, Simon goes missing. By now, it’s painfully obvious that the house has something to do with Simon’s disappearance, so Laura has to solve the mystery of the orphanage before it’s too late.

In order to show how much of a disappointment the The Orphanage was, I have to retell my events as an average moviegoer, and not as a critic. By the time that Pan’s Labyrinth was expanding in theaters, I had seen it. After it was over, I remember standing up and applauding in the middle of the theater. It was a masterpiece; and unforgettable and marvelous fairy tale that was written and directed by Guillermo del Toro. It was one of the best and most memorable movies I’ve seen, let alone the best movie of 2006. When I heard about another movie being made by del Toro, I knew that it would be this year’s Pan. Obviously right before I saw the movie, the words “A Guillermo del Toro film” were exploited in the opening credits. Unfortunately, he was just the Executive Producer, and had nothing to do with the film’s quality. I had a lot more to learn from there.

When I first started watching this tragedy, I was enjoying it. It was intriguing, and had me immediately playing along with the creative storytelling of Sergio G. Sánchez, who wrote the screenplay for The Orphanage (although it took a dive off a cliff later). About thirty minutes in, I noticed something wrong. I was able to read between the lines of this snake in the grass movie and find that it’s plot is somewhat familiar. In fact, I’ve seen it too many times to count. Now, this thought haunted me throughout my viewing of The Orphanage, and I just couldn’t engage myself into the story anymore. I was bothered, and I couldn’t forgive the movie.

By the time that the son disappears, I knew that The Orphanage was spiraling out of hand. Sure, it gives you chills in spots here and there, but barely enough to constitute for over 90 minutes of viewing pleasure. Juan Antonio Bayona (the director) well depicts the main character growing more and more desperate, but I had trouble sympathizing. Overall, the direction was okay, but it’s the writing that made me extremely mad at The Orphanage. Not only is it unoriginal, it’s an uneven story. Characters make questionable decisions, strange and unnecessary plot devices occur, and it tops off the lame story with an insane ending that creates a sonic boom of emptiness. It’s obviously a twist, but not like an Inside Man or Usual Suspects twist that makes you kick yourself for not knowing, but it’s a twist like in The Forgotten, in which it is unpredictable because it’s just so absurd that even thinking of anything halfway as surprising is a difficult task for anyone. There are no hints or cryptic messages to prepare you for the final departing moments. I can still faintly hear the echo of the dropped ball.