Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Crapper
By admin • May 22nd, 2008 • Category: Movies
My 6-year-old son and I flipped a coin to determine what movie we should drop $14 worth of coin on (I hate that term… ‘coin’); Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Kingdom, Ironman, or the latest Narnia yawn-fest. The Legend of the Cursed Nickel struck and we ended up seeing Indiana Jones.
I’m an old school Indy Jones fan, and was somewhat curious as to if the aged Harrison Ford would trade in his whip for a cane with which to beat the eternally annoying Shia ‘The Beef’ LaBeouf. Alas, while he still had the whip and hat, the magic was gone. Spotty plot, aliens and giant carnivorous ants amounted to a disappointing close to one of the great sagas in pop movie history.
Then it occurred to me: maybe the old Indy versions that I grew up with weren’t that great either? I had recently watched all 3, and while they were full of inaccuracies and far-fetched adventures, they were still good. Was it nostalgia clouding my cynicism? Or do we accept the faults of older movies as par for the course?
After the movie, I asked my son what he thought. He loved it, and went as far as to say it was better than the previous 3. I had my answer. It’s not so much that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ movies, but that certain movies speak to certain demographics; in this case, I’m in the ‘weight of the world crushed my imagination’ demo and my son is in the ‘life is full of limitless possibilities’ category.
So rather than bash Indiana Jones, I’d like to make the following point: movies (and other crap, like books) connect with different people in different ways. So if you are full of optimism and innocence, go see this movie! Or if you’re a salty realist like me, take someone who fits that description and see it through their eyes.
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I’m in the salty realist boat with you, Admin, but when it comes to Indy, I will always be full of wide-eyed optimism. I’m going to see Crystal Skull tonight and I fully expect to have a good time. I’ve been waiting for this movie since I was nine years old, walking out of the theater after seeing Last Crusade. 19 years is a long time and I’m sure it’s not going to be as good of a movie as I want it to be, but as long as I hear that Indy theme music one last time and see the fedora, khakis and worn-out leather jacket and get to hear that whip crack, I’ll be a happy little boy stuck in a man’s body.
I don’t think you’re sufficiently grateful enough for George Lucas deigning to give you the one thing you have wanted more than anything else in your entire life - two hours of Indiana Jones fighting aliens. He didn’t have to give you another Indiana Jones movie, you know. He could’ve invested that time towards making some prequels to the Star Wars prequels. Now we’ll never know the Jar Jar Binks’ origin story.
What I’m trying to tell you is that you’re probably a communist.
Probably?!
The neat thing about watching American movies in America is that, no matter what the Hollywood Explosion-fest lacks in plot and subplot (and, invariably, it always will be lacking), the popcorn tastes good — extra artificial butter on mine, please. Also, this is not a cardinal rule, and by no means short of modification, however it has served me up to this point, and I’d rather just pass it along: go to Hollywood-produced movies at peak times as this ensures the popcorn is fresh.
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