I myself have never actually talked to a dog before, but I always had an inkling that this would be how a conversation with one would probably go.

That line at the end about “the ability to talk to animals is no longer available in Bud Light” is a compete lie, by the way. If you drink enough Bud Light, you’ll not only still be able to talk to animals, you’ll probably get into a fist fight with one or two. And if you’ve ever been in a fist fight with a dog before, you know that they’re no-good cheating rotten bastards. Yeah, that’s right, Fifi, I’m talking about you. Where I come from, hitting below the belt is poor sportsmanship, you jackass.