Working in the advertising field, I am required from time to time to watch the commercials on my TV set and come to the conclusion that they are absolute crap. I do this because their quality is usually lower than I would hope for, and I have to live with the realization that the people who wrote them made more money in a week than I will all year. So I alleviate the rage the only way I know how - I post it on my online web journal.

The following is an exercise in reader interactivity. Meaning if you’re going to read this, there’s things you actually have to do. As you move down the page, if you see a video, stop and hit the “Play” button, watch the video in its entirety, and then read the comment that follows it. If you neglect to do this, chances are you will not be in the slightest amused. If you do follow the instructions, you will be only slightly more amused than if you hadn’t.

Think you can handle that? Great. You’re a rock star.

This, right here, is complete bullshit. Yes, it is completely fair to go with the whole you cut/you choose method for dividing the bread. But you don’t tell the one who’s cutting that the other guy gets to choose after the cut. If I were the younger kid, I would’ve stormed right out of that kitchen and gone and joined the Army. Nevermind that he’s just a moppet. He should’ve done it anyway. 

I’m not much on picking up on underlying subtext, but I’m pretty sure that woman’s cheating on her husband. With a cat. And I think he’s totally into it.

At my place of work, we hired a grizzly bear for this job. Every time I ask for dental insurance, he mauls me in the jaw. Thanks, Grizzly! You took care of the pesky bicuspid but good!

Boy, I can hardly wait to buy me some of this stuff and then smash it into my face in a desperate bid for attention. My Thanksgiving plans are all set now.

On a side note, why are those two guys eating supper with an albino?

You’ve gotta admire the Viking’s consistency. He hits that car in the same place twice. Still, does the Viking or the Pilgrim drive the car? In either case, you’d think it’d be a bit advanced for them.