The following is a conversation between myself and 3 old mates from college. While geographical differences keep us apart, the bond of sarcastic banter binds us… Enjoy.

Scott

Subject: What up nerds?

Just checkin in on everyone. Hope all is well for you peoples.

I heard Ethan gained like 60lbs ever since they opened up that Dunkin
Donuts next to his place.

Also heard Rod invested in the Brazilian stock market dumping 100% into
the Purple Pooty Wax Factory striking paydirt….or might you
say…making a “smooth” getaway on his returns.

Tom told me Jen had published the greatest Micro Chip manual to date
making the New York Best sellers list and laughing all the way to the
bank from her Amazon.com earnings.

I got a promotion to certified window washer so I can finally fill my
Vespa up with a tank of gas. Other than that…still married and going
well. Now we gotta find a way to finance a baby from China…going the
Bradjolina route here.

Correct me if I’m wrong

Peace suckas
Skeelo

Rod

Lies! It was the Columbian Goods Exchange (CGE) and they were lavender in coloration.

But seriously… Alls well here. We should reconnect Vegas style one of these years…?

Jen

What a clever and amusing email, Scotty…who helped you write it?

Rod

ouch… this cat has claws!

Jen

I’m just grouchy because I had to trade out my normal purple pooty wax for a far less superior lavender brand.

Rod

Our research shows that the lavender flavor is better for the skin, and it prevents alien abductions almost twice as much as that regular purple shit.

Scott

LOL, god I miss you guys. Now all we need is fatties (aka Ethan) smart remarks.

Anyways, good to hear from you guys. Things are going good here, I did get a promotion to outside sales so things are looking good so long as I don’t F it up. We really all should get together somewhere. The wife and I were in Missoula at the beginning of June for my youngest sisters graduation. Had a great time even though it rained the entire trip. Missoula still kinda blows but it’s nice to see real mountains and shit. Fukin snowed on us too when we were getting on the plane to leave…..de-icing a plane in fukin June….seriously. From snow to 105 degrees in a day…rad.

PS: Join me on my Johny Quest to bring the word “Rad” back. gl to all and may we triumph over those pushing for “stellar” to make a comeback.

Scooter

Scott (again)

Oh and Quote: “ouch… this cat has claws!”
Cougar country boys…keep your eyes peeled…

Ethan

i was taking a crap when all this banter was going on, and, miraculously, i have to take another crap after reading it. i blame the olestra in my frappuccino… i am very glad to see that scotty is ALIVE! hey buddy!

i think we should all meet in portland; great town, and jenn’s got a lovely place to crash. also, no sales tax, and you can still gamble, just like in vegas!

scott, i’ve been using the word “rad” for some time. i’ll use it right after flushing for the second time today, and i’ll use it when i get back to read whatever condescensions jenn produces in response to such a low-brow, fecal-obsessed narrative.

anyway, poop. check ya laters!

ethan

Jen

As a person who has to hit the toilet at least 3 times a day with explosive diarrhea, I have no issue with your rad use of bathroom humour.

I think meeting in PDX is a perfect idea, seeing as I wouldn’t have to go anywhere. My new place does have room for at least 4 extra bodies, and I’m planning on purchasing an air bed, so that makes room for 2 more. I’m a bit concerned for the state of my plumbing with Ethan and I both in the house, but allowances must be made…

Jen (again)

Btw, Scotty, Congrats on the promotion!

Ethan

HAHHAHAHHAH!!! this has all been a clever ruse perpetrated on you so you would admit to rod and scott that you poop.

i am the KING!!!

oh, and… uhhhh… yeah. congrats scotty. on the job and shit.

see you in PDX ya’ll!

Jen

Rod…Scott…I poop.

Rod

wha-a-t?! Nooo!

I thought Jen, like all females, released their ‘leavings’ in the form of potpourri.. thus the abundance of useless smelly house decor seen in most lady pads…

Portland might be nice, but I’m not sure what PDX is… Plentiful Dog eXcrement?

Thus concludes the first (and possibly last) private, pointless conversation made public here on SodBlog.

What did we learn? Well, I learned that bringing up dog doo can be a conversation killer, even when that conversation is about pooty wax and potty jokes.