SPACE: Don’t be an ass.
By idyllicmollusk • Mar 31st, 2008 • Category: General Sod
Have you ever found yourself in a situation resembling the following?
· You are a christian student and notice that there is an active atheist club on campus.
· You are white and see that there is a hip new bar in town catering to African-Americans.
· You were born in the U.S., but see a cool new social networking organization for young Vietnamese immigrants pop up in your area.
· You are a man and notice that there are now several vocal women’s safety organizations in your town.
· You are straight and you have become aware of a vibrant and edgy queer art scene in a neighborhood near you.
If you can identify with any of these scenarios, you are just one of many. Many people in society become aware of the interesting goings-on in marginalized or oppressed communities, and are naturally curious.
If your curiosity leads to a desire to find out more, you can turn into one of two people:
1. An awesome supporter and ally of a different community
or
2. A shitty co-opter who uses affiliation with a marginalized community to look “cool”.
YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE NUMBER TWO.
To be a supporter and ally:
Before attending a community’s event, try to find out if outsiders are even welcome.
Be prepared to learn, not to teach.
See how you can “bring something to the table” through promoting, donating, volunteering or working to end oppression experienced by the community.
Be thankful for the opportunity for an inside look at the community.
Keep your mouth shut- spend your time listening.
If members of an oppressed community decide to share information with you about how they experience discrimination, be supportive and affirm their feelings.
Make it clear that though you haven’t had the same experiences, you still value their perspectives.
Be open to experiencing things that will change the way you perceive larger society.
Be ready to work out differences.
To be a shitty co-opter:
Assume that outsiders are always wanted and welcome.
Tell members of the marginalized community what they should and shouldn’t be doing.
Steal ideas, style and strategies without offering anything in return.
Act like the community should be grateful simply for your presence.
Take up all the space by insisting on constantly being the center of attention.
Deny that members of marginalized communities experience discrimination or oppression, and tell them they are wrong to feel that way.
Pretend that you can fully understand all aspects of the situation of someone from an oppressed community.
Refuse to legitimately try to understand the perspective of the community in question.
Claim a the community’s identity as your own.
It’s about space. Co-opters actually hurt and further oppress the communities that they prey on by invading their space, whereas allies help them thrive. People who stand in a privileged position in society may learn to expect that they have a right to access any and all community space. They may also come to think that they know what’s best for communities that experience oppression. It is easy to feel this way when you are accustomed to society catering to your demographic’s needs, especially if you are white, male, christian, straight, or US-born, etc. Please be aware that people who do not share these characteristics with you have had very, very different experiences with our society. This is not a reason to distance yourself from marginalized or oppressed communities, but to instead practice being an effective ally.
PS.
If you need help visualizing the harm that co-opters can do, here are two real-life scenarios:
1. A man poses as queer in order to date a queer woman he knows. Part-way into a relationship, he starts to emotionally abuse the woman for her queerness and reveals that he is actually homophobic. Thereafter, the woman has difficulty trusting not only straight men, but also the queer men in her community.
2. An academic woman of color starts a blog to discuss racial discrimination in higher education. White people who think they know racism better than her barrage her site with angry comments saying that she is the one being racist by even bringing up the topic. The writer of the blog must now censor all comments.
© 3/31/08 idyllicmollusk
idyllicmollusk is only came here because she wanted to see if the inside of this famous legal system was as loathsome as she guessed it was. And now she's too depressed to want to see anything more.
Email this author | All posts by idyllicmollusk
You have effectively frightened everyone into silence by using the word “queer.” Interesting first post, though. Should spark some thinking…
Why would the term “queer” frighten people into silence? I identify as queer and do not feel frightened nor silenced by this piece. Queer is a term that can encompass many things.
Who do you feel is being silenced and why?
Please be careful when saying things like “effectively” or “everyone” when you do not know whether or not this is the case. How do you know it is effective or effective in this way? It clearly is not silencing everyone effectively if two people are posting now.
Awesome post! I am glad someone is bringing up such issues for discussion.
Why would it frighten people into silence? Not because of the connotation that it carries (the “homo” one, not the “weird” one) but because this is a snarky humor site. This post is neither. Of course, this is coming from the guy that wrote a piece berating an elderly right-wing bigot fear-monger that was only funny because it was so sad, but still…
I’m certainly not saying that tolerance doesn’t have it’s place. In fact, I personally think that it should have a bigger place in society. But hectoring someone else for voicing their opinion while encouraging discussion isn’t the way to achieve that. You’re entitled to your opinion, Shannon, as much as Crystal is entitled to hers and I am entitled to mine.
Besides, I’m pretty sure, as per the parameters of this site, Crystal was cracking a joke.
All that said, it’s nice to see that we have another writer here at Sod. Welcome, Mollusk.
You’re right, I used “everyone” and “effectively” innappropriately.
Let me carefully rephrase: Who knows what’s appropriate other than those in the population which it refers to, and its close counterparts? I was simply referring to the actual word as being striking (where I light-heartedly used “frightening”), not its connotation. Honestly, in my hetero little world in too-north North Dakota, I have never heard the word used in any manner other than derogatory. However, in my more diverse world in a larger city earlier in my life, not a problem.
Just ineffectively saying that it’s a striking word, that’s all. Interesting post. Good comments.
@ Nate
Fuck, but I’m humorless! DANG IT.Not funny?
“YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE NUMBER TWO.”
Read between the lines, people!
Children! Corners!
oh my, scornado, thank you for casting a spotlight on the author’s deft employment of toddler bathroom code to change the pace from all the complex irony of a cracker instructing crackers on how to behave at non-cracker, “cultural” events.
i didn’t realize this site became a forum for elitists. snark is snotty, but never pretentious.
and, crystal, it is important to note that i have only ever blasted too north no-dak queers; i didn’t know there was any other kind! you are sorely out of touch with your community.
Don’t co-opt the Toddler Bathroom Code, dude.
Show some respect for the KIDS.
And while you’re at it, unravel for me the complex irony of ripping apart an earnest (if slightly pedantic) post in a manner most vindictive while at the same time accusing the writer of being the Elitist.
It’s a good trick, I need to learn that one.
you should first learn to condense your myriad confusions in one post instead of misrepresenting this topic’s popularity with two.
jerkoff.
I am not sure I understand how using derogatory terms is helpful or how the above comments steer away from pretentious. Addressing the issues rather than merely attacking individuals would be a goal to strive for in future posts.
I was not aware that all atheists, women, and queers were white…
Giving voice to marginalized groups (which typically have difficulty getting their voices heard) should be encouraged. Those groups deal with enough silence as is, so if an ally aids in giving such groups voice then more power to them. If people always just shrugged and left it up to already silenced groups to “speak up” or whatever, then the trend of silencing them will continue to be difficult to alter. Simply leaving it up to those groups as if it does not affect others is not a very useful approach.
shannon,
my derogation was necessary to commit to the record a superfluous post, thereby elaborating on the presence of irony inherent to this entire thread. additionally, there is no pretense in my post, since i would never consider my use of a derogatory term to be anything other than absolutely intentional. if i am genuinely employing insult to meet my goals of producing something entertaining and ironic, then we have righted our course, having successfully steered away from pretense, and have thus set a fine example for those who intend to approach all this bullshit with thoughtful analysis.
i can’t comment on your apparent illumination to the idea that all atheists, women, and queers are white (without spending much time on it being a complete non sequitr), but i can tell you that the atheist, woman, queer who wrote this article… IS. and please don’t put the responsibility on my shoulders for injecting labels into this discussion. see the author’s direct reference to the cultural “culprits” being exclusively white, christian, naturalized, straight males, and decidedly not anyone who is already considered part of the exploited community in question; “minorities” are incapable of exploiting their own culture for personal gain, cause, after all, that could never happen.
who in sod is guilty of seeking to disinfranchise any group of their voice (the marginalized, the minorities, the majorities, or otherwise)? name them, and i will see to it that they are immediately disinfranchised. wait, i found something in the above article that might interest you: “Keep your mouth shut- spend your time listening.” the precedent for this tone does not stem from anything i initiated, for certain.
the tone is not welcoming, it’s condescending. it might easily discourage an otherwise free-thinking and open-minded person from pursuing any attempts to ingratiate themselves to a community of societal contrarians. why? because someone made them feel like their motivation for having that interest is suspicious and likely motivated by a desire to exploit the community! how does that rub you, mother teresa?
incidentally, the sod is for having fun. i’m inclined to use the following words in quantity: dickhead, juggfuckler, peg boy, shitferbrains, and any variation on the word douchebag (e.g. d-bag, douche, ëin doüchenbägen, etc.). this is strictly for comedic effect, not as a method of suppression. now, i know you don’t think it’s funny, because you responded like someone who often requires an explanation of the joke when everyone else at the table is spitting out their beer, so don’t bother making that any clearer. and on one final note, did it escape your attention that, prior to this manifesto on how to successfully insinuate yourself into a community by shutting up, listening, and not telling the present members of that community how they “should” be doing things, THIS community was completely free of behavioral prescriptivists.
If sod’s always going to be deep and serious I’m out.
Is “I’m out” inappropriate in this particular discussion?
Hi everyone… Admin here with a few thoughts:
1. The SodBlog comments are not a place for name calling or trash talking; that’s what the forums are for.
2. SodBlog does encourage a humorous slant on politics, culture and life in general, but occasional ’serious’ posts aren’t discouraged (see Nate’s ‘Gordon Bishop’ hate-post.)
The idea behind this project is to create an open communication vehicle for dark humorists to voice opinions and recount the news with a healthy dose of sarcasm and a tinge of bias. Humor (like most things) is relative, so ignore what you don’t like, and if something written really rubs you the wrong way, start a productive debate in the forums.
Pasta.
Heck man, you are so clever!
Yr kind of a (D-Bag?)
which makes me kinda like you
when you aren’t too busy hurling invective, you actually have some thoughtful things to say..
I’d be happy to see a forum about this started
lay the intellectual sabers on the table
rattle away
“the tone is not welcoming, it’s condescending. it might easily discourage an otherwise free-thinking and open-minded person from pursuing any attempts to ingratiate themselves to a community of societal contrarians.”
A valid concern amidst the rubble? I’m inclined to agree that it was quite condescending, but I think it was done to maximize Snark Value. In other words, it was intentionally tweaking yr pumpkin balls a bit.
Or maybe Mollusk is just an uppity woman aping her betters.
What say you, Mollusk?
Oh sweet jesus on a pogo stick, can everyone just chill out?
If anyone would like to continue this conversation with increased nimbleness, it can apparently be done at the sod forum: http://www.sodblog.com/forum/politics/space-dont-be-an-ass/page-1/post-24/#p24