The Pacific Northwest, more importantly, Portland proper, has been in the grips of an honest-to-god snowstorm on and off over the past week. It started innocent enough, with a few inches last Sunday, but then the weather stayed below freezing the entire week and, after a bright and sunny Monday and Tuesday, snow returned on Wednesday and Thursday. On Saturday, we got dumped on, even by Midwestern standards, as the snow kept falling all day and all night. When we woke up on Sunday, there was as much as a foot of snow cover on the ground. A foot!

Then, the freezing rain and sleet started in. The code word for them on our local TV stations was “wintery mix,” which sounds far too festive for what it really is. But, if you want something to sell, you have to give it a catchy name, right? So, now here we are, cars crawling by on the streets, incandescent white stuff everywhere, school closed, businesses, too. Inside the Portland city limits, tire chains or traction tires were required up to this morning. Sure, what we’ve been hit with doesn’t sound so bad for those of you who live in areas where it actually snows on a regular basis, and it wasn’t, not by my Minnesota-based standards. But, for Portland, this is a pretty bad storm, the worst since my wife and I moved here seven years ago.

So, all that said, the question begs to be asked, what did we do this past weekend, while essentially stuck in the house 90% of the time. Let’s do a list, shall we?

1. Crochet sweaters out of dog hair. See, we have odd dogs, Pulis, whose hair is essentially the texture of wool and it cords together like dreadlocks naturally. It seemed to be the most natural thing to do, stuck inside with inclement weather outside, to knit something. We had few other resources at our disposal, so we simply shaved the dogs and made a couple of nice, if slightly musty-smelling sweaters.

2. Build an igloo. Snow tends to bring out the mischievous and industrious child out in everyone. The same is very much true for us. So, with the snow at it’s height, we bundled up and headed into the backyard to build ourselves an igloo. Of course, with only about 10″ of actual snow cover and no real drifts to speak of, we were reduced to making miniature igloos that we could only fit our hands inside of. It was a pretty disappointing result, even if the neighborhood squirrels seem to love them.

3. Icicle sword fight! That’s right, icicle sword fight. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought of doing this at least 10-15 times while looking out your window at the wintry wonderland outside, your vision ringed with those daggers of mother nature’s creation. Just be careful not to poke your adversary in the eye.

4. Scrabble. That staple of snowed-in people the world over is always a classic when you’re tired of being outside. Curl up next to the fireplace and get your ass kicked in by the one you love. At least that’s the way that our Scrabble games go. There is no dignified way to lose a Scrabble game in our house. Inevitably, whoever is behind towards the end of the game will throw down a “zeel” or a “bort” or some other word that you know damn well isn’t a real word, but you’re hoping that the other person won’t notice/will take pity on you. They never do. Bastards…

5. PILLOW FIGHT! That’s right. After days upon days spent in confined spaces with the same person, one tends to get a little cabin fever. All the movies have been watched, television is passe’, board games have lost their lustre, baking Christmas cookies is like self-imposed torture and there’s nothing left to talk about that doesn’t involve describing elaborate devices that you’d use to kill each other. It’s time for a good old-fashioned pillow fight. The kind where feathers are fluttering in the air and you both end up sneezing and wheezing on the floor.

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