I’m often asked what I think Armageddon will look like. Why everyone always asks me this, I don’t know. I assume it’s because I kind of look like Jesus. But up until recently, my answer has always been lots of flames, blood running through the streets, and maybe just a little gnashing and grinding of teeth. You know, the usual.

But now, I think I have a more educated answer to provide. It’ll look something like this.

Yup. Sorry to say, but this is it. It has been a well-documented fact that you give a monkey an instrument of death and/or destruction and he will inevitably use it on the first human being he sees. Everybody knew this, but apparently the stupid scientists of the world seem to think that you can teach monkeys to control robots with their wicked monkey brains and no harm will come of it. Well, guess what. It won’t be anywhere near as cute and adorable when you’re having the life crushed out of you by the monkeys with their giant robotic arms.

So this is how it ends. Not with a bang, nor with a whimper, but with 50-foot-tall robotic death monkeys. Everyone better start hoping I figure out how to get my 55-foot-tall robotic ninja lemur operational. Needless to say, it may just be humanity’s last, best chance for survival.