Namely, people like me

I feel personally affronted every year by Black Friday. It makes me feel marginalized and looked down upon. Because of who I am, I end up feeling like a second-class citizen every year on the day after Thanksgiving. It’s an unfortunate contrast, to feel so thankful on one day and so left out the next.

Yes, that’s right, I am a person who hates shopping. Loathes it, really. I angrily denounce the rampant capitalistic fervor that washes over the populace like a feeding frenzy. I’ve held rallys for other people who hate shopping, urging them to take a stand against the injustice. You could almost say that I’m the Malcolm X of people who hate shopping.

In protest of Black Friday, my wife and I stayed home on Friday, deciding what items that we had recently purchased that would be taken back. Sara took back a carton of milk(slightly used) and two pairs of socks and I returned an entire tank of gas, minus a gallon or two. Sure, we got some quizzical looks, but we made our point. We are not slaves to consumerism. The things we purchase are just that, things.

But, the truth of it is, like most people, I like to get new things. Be it clothes or electronics or haircuts, I’m always happy to have something new and shiny. I guess I just don’t like to be around other people when I get these things. I buy most of my music online, we have a Netflix account and, if it weren’t for my oddly-shaped ass, I’d be buying all of my clothes online. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be able to get a haircut over the internet. I’m not adverse to looking like Max Headroom just so I don’t have to make awkward small-talk with my local barber.

I guess, in the end, the entire idea of Black Friday just confuses the hell out of me. It’s touted as a day when everyone goes shopping at insanely early hours just to get a better deal on some toy their kid is going to forget about ten minutes after the open it. Are we so masochistic as a people that we enjoy fighting tooth and nail with perfect strangers for useless junk? There is no deal so good that it necessitates loss of precious sleep. Unless, of course, it’s price has been slashed 60%…then go ahead and pick one up for me, too.

It makes me wonder whether or not the heads of these companies weren’t sitting in their plush offices at 4 on Friday morning, watching security camera video over a bowl of popcorn, enjoying a hearty, cash-filled laugh at their expense. I know I would if I was in their position. I’d probably invite some friends over and have a nice breakfast buffet, a really good spread with some dude making omelettes and everything. Maybe even have some commemorative t-shirts.

But, of course, I don’t own a major department store. I write for a blog.