See these two sorry looking sons-of-bitches pictured above? The one to the left is Fred Phelps, the inbred leader of the Westboro Baptist Church. To his right is John Gibson, one of the pinheads who works at FOX News. Right now, I’m wasting perfectly good bandwidth hosting images of these two slimy bastards, and thinking about it makes me just a little bit sick to my stomach. But I have to, because I have a question to ask of you. What do you suppose these two grotesque human beings have in common?

The answer is simple. Besides both being angry homophobic pricks with double-digit IQs, someday both John Gibson and Fred Phelps will die, and no one will bother to give a shit.

Now chances are, if God hated you enough to force you to look like John Gibson does every single day of your life, you’d be pretty angry too. Just look at the guy. Imagine the world’s ugliest human being, and then imagine smashing that person in the face with a board for about an hour straight. You’d end up with John Gibson. As for Fred Phelps, well, when you’re the horrific end result of two cousins knowing a love whose name dare not be spoken, that’s as good a reason as any to be upset, although you think he’d just be grateful that he wasn’t born with flippers. But he’s not. He’s angry, just like John Gibson, and they both need things to take that anger out on. And these two just so happen to have easy targets for that anger: gay people and Heath Ledger.

Now these two hating gay people is nothing new. One protests U.S. soldier funerals because he thinks it’s God’s punishment on a nation that condones homosexuality, while the other works for FOX News, so it’s just a given that they’re both homo haters. But the Heath Ledger hating is what the subject of this blog is really about, since that’s somewhat new. Of course, their hatred from Heath Ledger stems from their hatred for gays, because you see, Heath Ledger played a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain. And when you have a very tiny brain, you’re not aware that when an actor plays someone in a movie, they’re not actually the person they’re playing.

So since Heath Ledger once played a gay person in a movie, that means that his death at 28 is a hoot and a holler to these two ignorant bastards. Which is why John Gibson, no less than an hour after news of Heath’s death first broke, went on his radio show and made a bunch of godawful jokes at his expense. And when I say godawful, I don’t mean because they were mean. I mean godawful in a quality sense, as they are the polar opposite of funny. Which is why I’m not printing any of what he said. They were supposed to be jokes, but instead were just insipid attempts at being funny from an unfunny person being made at the expense of a person who had just died.

And Fred Phelps, he’s decided that him and his pack of undeveloped mutant jackal people followers will be picketing Heath Ledger’s funeral. Because that’s just what the jackass does. He answers the call of his angry, vengeful vision of God and does what the figment of his deranged imagination demands of him - proving to the world time and time again that he is the world’s evilest son-of-a-bitch.

Heath Ledger was 28 when he died. That is way too young for anyone to be when they leave this mortal coil. As for John Gibson, the IMDB reports that he was born in 1946, which would make him 62. Fred Phelps is 78-years-old. If you ask me, those ages are perfectly fine for popping a blood vessel and tipping over dead. And when it inevitably happens, I’m already writing up some hilarious material for the occasion. There will be jubilance and celebration unlike anything you’ve ever seen. I may even organize a parade.

Time’s ticking, you greasy shit stains. Tick tock. Tick tock. I think I speak for everyone when I say I cannot wait to live in a world without you two in it.