this could very well be the most awesome story i have ever read…  a couple of rich kids get into the identity fraud racket to fund exotic junkets around the world, buy expensive gifts for themselves, and procure services exclusive to only the most beautiful, sophisticated people (and i’m sure they’re blasting each other the whole goddamn time).  they’ve been dubbed bonnie and clyde by an allegedly unbiased media, as if they were doing something wrong… comparing these two to blood thirsty outlaws; comparing them to two bank-robbing, cop killing, whisky-swilling romantics drawn together by the gravity of a mutual disdain for society’s oppressive, conventional mores.  at any rate, what right does some average jerk, with his or her own identity, have to be angry about this? i dream of the chance to unwittingly fund the lifestyle of an affluent, attractive couple who want a little more than their parents are already giving them!  my record of responding to every phishing scam, haphazardly giving out my social security number, and writing down all my personal information down in the bathroom stalls at the W hotel pretty much stands on its own.

seriously, this is a good lookin’ pair.  i’d like to see a credit card bill arrive at my house showing me how much was spent on lube during that trip to hawaii i never took.  yeah, i suppose i could have gone myself, with my girlfriend, but would we look this good?

the answer is no.  the fact is rich and beautiful people know how to work this shit the right way; i know everyone’s getting all uptight about the technicality that these two are not yet independently wealthy, but they were both on track to become so, and they needed some money from the working class to embark upon a journey of endless comforts, advantages, and well-deserved R&R.  i don’t see why they should incur this expense… look at how happy she is, how SEXY she is… her sweat tastes like pomegranates, in my mind… 

wait, reader, what are you pulling down after taxes?  GET OUTTA HERE!!! you don’t look at her again, you sack ‘o crap. 

now, i’m positive there’s a real tragedy here, and i think you will agree with me when you see this:

look at them in police custody.  now they look like you and YOUR girlfriend.  way to go jerk ass!  look what you’ve done to them, by advocating laws against identity fraud, by alerting the authorities to some suspicious charges to your credit cards, by insisting that the money you make at your stupid job end up back in your pocket, instead of in theirs.  i hope you’re happy AMERICA!!!  you make me sick…