Pirate Advertising
By Erik Hagen • Sep 19th, 2008 • Category: Advertising, General Sod
YARR!!! Happy Lame Internet Meme Day!
As a card-carrying member of the Internet community, it is my legal duty to celebrate all Internet-related holidays. As such, today being International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I am legally bound to speak like a pirate. Yar. Mizzenmast. So this is the obligatory pirate blog post, which will be about, let’s say, commercials with pirates in them. Yo ho. Scurvy. Throw a shrimp on the barbie.
Ahoy. Here’s a pirate commercial for Free Credit Report Dot Com, with that singing kid who I want to cram my hook down his mizzenmast everytime I see his dumb face. Which is how you know it’s a good pirate commercial, when it makes you want to do violent things after watching it. Gold doubloons. Shoulder parrots. Bottle of rum.
Gwar. This kid drank so much Clorox, he thinks he’s a pirate. Left out is the part where he starts foaming at the mouth and then dies. Yahoy, me hearties.
Arrr.
Leave it to the Europeans to turn a pirate commercial into a bad acid trip. Shanghai. Crow’s nest. Did I do mizzenmast already? I did? Shit.
Not bad, but definitely needed more raping and pillaging. GyyarrRRARGHAHHH!! Oops, sorry. Sat on my car keys.
That’s it. I can’t go on with this farce any longer. I’m not a pirate, okay? I’m just a guy. I got two hands. I’ve never seen a parrot in my life that wasn’t in a cage or on a plate. I don’t want to do this anymore. You can’t make me. I quit. Seriously. Make you own pirate small talk.
Barnacles. Davy Jones. Goo goo ga joob.
Erik Hagen is comprised of equal parts X and Y chromosomes, snips, snails, puppy dog tails, and a whole lot of water. He was born into this world covered in blood, naked, and slightly hysterical. Very little has changed since.
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You know, I talked to a pirate once, I asked him about his peg leg, and he told me that it was bitten off by a shark along the coast of Brazil.
I asked about his hook, he said that he got it cut off for stealing in the Middle East.
I asked about his eyepatch, and he said that a seagull dropped his duty in his eye.
Apparently, it was his first day with his hook.
Arrr Dartz matey I’ve heard of a similar joke before and arrrr and yeah I’m not so good with this piratey talk.
First video’s ok. The rest are just bad and I don’t think the last one had anything piratey to it at all except for the booty, meaning the treasure stash.
This reminds me of the day when my son and his friends in jr. high decided they would speak like pirates for the day. This was about seven years ago. I think he drove his science teacher crazy as my son would Arrrr to his classmate on the other side of the room. Sorry - I don’t speak pirate.