I think we can all agree that today shouldn’t be happening.

Every four years or so, the universe sees fit to toss an extra day at me at the end of February. An extra day to go to work, come back home, go to sleep, and then do the same thing again the next day. But no more. I decided that I was going to take a stand, so I took today off from work and decided that for 24 hours, I was not going to move even an inch. That way, I would have no effect on the world around me in any way possible and, in a sense, the day would have never happened. The plan was foolproof. Finally, I was going to get one over the universe.

And that’s when the universe gave me food poisoning.

Needless to say, it’s very difficult to stand perfectly still when you have to evacuate liquids from your body every half hour. So rather than using my vacation time for some well-deserved time off, I’m using it to sit at home and be miserable.

I swear, one of these days, universe, I’m going to seriously kick your ass.