All fast food advertising now replaced with porn. Enjoy!
By Erik Hagen • Jul 1st, 2009 • Category: Advertising, Food & Drink, General Sod, Media
A couple years back, McDonald’s put out a web ad that I, at the time, thought might have been the funniest goddamn thing ever. See, it’s one of them flashing banner ads featuring a curly-haired teenage moppet longingly staring at a burger while the words “Double Cheeseburger? I’d hit it.” flash in the background. See for yourself.
Now for those of you who have actually left the confines of your basement within the last thirty years and/or not currently working on McDonald’s marketing staff, you already know that the phrase “I’d hit it.” means “I would have sex with it.” So, basically, McDonald’s was advertising that their burgers were so good that you’d want to have sexual relations with them. At the time, I dismissed the whole thing as some poor, pitiful marketing executive somewhere being hopelessly out of touch with the youth of today, with their iPods and Game Boys and the ALF. But now, I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t an accident, and if McDonald’s was just ahead of their time in advertising hamburgers as something you’d want to put your privates into.
Take, for example, this new advertisement for Burger King for their “Super Seven Incher.” I think they’re trying to allude to something with this, but I have no idea what.
Maybe I’m just being dense, but for the life of me I just do not understand what this ad is trying to say. Regardless, I am very, very offended, for some reason I don’t know. Anyway, let’s keep moving.
When it really comes down to blurring the line between greasy hot fast food and greasy hot sex, no one comes close to touching Carl Jr’s/Hardees. These guys have been hard at work trying to make the somewhat tenuous connection between really hot, really annoying women and their really unhealthy, really unappetizing looking burgers for years and years and years. But since the somewhat disturbing image of half-naked women simulating sex with a hamburger wasn’t quite getting the job done, they’ve decided to skip the nuances and just start selling a new item that you can name after your balls.
First off, this is the first that I’ve heard that biscuits had holes. Weird. Second, hey, you know what I don’t want to be thinking about when I’m having my lunch? Testicles. There’s a time and a place for jokes involving your nuts. Lunchtime is not one of them.
Ugh. I think I’m gonna be sick.
But hey, I saved the worst for last. I’m not even going to tell you what this one is about. You’re just going to have to watch it and see for yourself.
Absolutely unforgivable. Did you see the things that blue dog was doing? Pure smut. Won’t somebody please think of the children?
Look, fast food advertisers, I assure you that we’re all very busy these days. But believe it or not, time is not so tight that we need to combine our fast food eating with our hardcore pornography. Those can actually be kept in different corners. So please, no matter how hungry I might be for a Big Mac, I assure you, I do not want to hit that.
NOTE: Having just finished reading over the Digg comments on this story, I have come to three realizations. One, I apparently come off as kind of a jackass. There’s something I wish I would’ve known about earlier in life. Two, sarcasm in writing is a terribly difficult skill to pull off and should never be attempted ever by anyone in any situation. And three, I somehow forgot to include the Quizno’s commercial where the magical talking sandwich oven tells the Marmaduke-looking Quizno’s employee to “put it in him,” a mistake for which I would seem to need to be punched in the face more often for having committed. Internet, I’m terribly sorry for having met your disapproval. Here’s that commercial you needed in order to feel complete. Now, please, stop asking me to do stuff.
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Erik Hagen is comprised of equal parts X and Y chromosomes, snips, snails, puppy dog tails, and a whole lot of water. He was born into this world covered in blood, naked, and slightly hysterical. Very little has changed since.
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Liquor does it, fast food has eluded to it for awhile…
That’s it! Get my coat. I’m out of here.
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
have you seen the ones for Quinzo’s? Where the oven is talking to the employee and asking him to to put the sandwich in him. The announcers or “oven’s voice” is a guy and he is talking to a male worker….slightly on the gay side I think. you tube it.
I really hope you’re not serious about being offended.
Damn. I’ll just stick to the salad bar.
@ 2:12 in the second video, it looks like the blond girl is peeing.
The Burger King advert is disgusting, I’m no prude but this is just wrong. It also serves as a reminder (as if we needed one) of how low society and standards have become. What a sorry state we find ourselves in, what a legacy for the next generation, Fuck the rainforest’s and obesity levels rampaging across the western word, “lets use a blow-job shot to sell our extra big turd burger to the kiddies!”, Yeah. Lame sorry attempts at using sex and exploitation to sell shit products. Ha! Maybe I’m just getting old, No imagination. If you want to educate yourselves further on the sorry deeds of advertising go watch or listen to some Bill Hicks, He had it all worked out nearly 20 years ago “Drink Coke.”
I really hope this article is a forced attempt at a sense of humor.
But you can see the Burger King ad is censored. “Blow your mind away” isn’t a common phrasing. The common phrasing is “blow your mind” but they couldn’t get away with that so they had to tone it down by making it awkward.
Hmm. So this is what it’s like to be popular on the Internet. I don’t think I care for it. No sir.
I really hope Vintagegeek’s comment is a forced attempt at being a douche.
I doubt he forced it. I’ll bet it just comes naturally.
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“put it in me, Scott.” sounds like a Herbert the Pervert quote.
That fast food song has scarred me for life
[...] McDonalds was advertising that their burgers were so good that youd want to have sex…Source:http://www.sodblog.com/general/all-fast-food-advertising-now-replaced-with-porn-enjoy/ Posted by Andy B at [...]
The fast food song was sang by kids in Morgan Spurlocks’ Super Sizer Me (in the beginning).
But I didn’t see what was so bad about it, besides the lyrics and girls being very suggestive actually it was intentionally dirty. But the dog didn’t do anything ?? Am I missing something.
The biscuit balls was pretty funny. BK it’ll blow you away is definitely over the top. The video with the blue dog dancing is something from bizarro world. The quiznos one at the end also funny.
the fast food song is a really popular camp song. a lot of kids know it. and i agree i didnt see the dog do anything. stuff like that is appealing to people, like it or not, its the truth.
I like the BK “burger shots” commercials where, like babies, the cute little burgers attract hoards of gorgeous women. Taco Bell has a similar commercial where two guys get suggestive glances from a bikini-clad lady because of the awesomeness of their food. LOL, what a shame for these poor saps that real life is nothing like advertising. No, gorgeous women won’t flock to you because they think your food is cute. Some of us actually have brains. You can always dream though.
Erik,
Don’t be hard on your sarcasm, it came out fine, people just need more than 2 brain cells to rub together.
N/A Has apparently never been to Kingman, Arizona. The bovines in the local Wally world/Mac barfies will damned near tample you in the stampede to get a 99 cent burger. Its either them or the emaciated meth hookers thatll blow you for a nickle bag.
But really, I would much rather see porn in my food comercials than Quiznos comercial of a couple of years ago.
remember the one with the two singing turds, or mabbe they were gerbils one was wearing a mariners captains hat and they were singing “we love the subs, ‘caus they are good to eat.” in a high falsettto.
now that one wierded the fuck out of me.
I even dumped my girlfriend for singing along to it. I just couldnt fuck her after that.
I agree – sexual reference has slipped into so many areas of society – and few have said anything. Thanks for pointing this out in your post – it is appreciated.