I proposed to Sara in a fumbling, mumbling, bumbling manner as the clock ticked over to midnight on New Years Eve in 2001. I had plans of proposing while we celebrated the new year with a group of friends, but a snowstorm put a damper on going outside, much less meeting up with people from [...]

Sort of. My elementary school got it’s first soda machine when I was in the third grade. It was kind of a big deal at the time, since we were kids and this was yet another way for us to mainline sugar. It was $.45 a can and it was wonderful. I soon realized that [...]

Schools these days aren’t the same as when I was roaming the halls. They’re less smartass-friendly, more totalitarian and full of administrators and teachers that are terrified of their students. Long gone are the days of bullies shoving dweebs into lockers in the hallways in-between classes. Long gone are spitballs, tacks on chairs, smear the [...]

To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never suffered from sleepwalking. I may roll around and flail my arms and legs a lot while sleeping, but I never actually get up and wander around. Even while sleeping, I’m slightly lazy. But, there was one incident when I was a small kid that can’t really be [...]

I think that we’d all agree that the Internets are a wonderful thing. I mean, think about it, you’re on the Internet right now, reading this. And if you’re like me, you probably have about 26 other tabs open on your browser, all full of great and interesting (porn) things to delight and entertain you [...]

“Life is a series of ouches.” That’s what one of the get well cards in my grandfather’s hospital room said. He passed away this last Friday. As I was sitting in his room on that day, his last day, I kept glancing over at that card for some reason, just to take my attention away [...]

I don’t write about my family all that often, because they specifically asked me not to and the court order they gave me looks to be pretty solid, but I’m making an exception just this one time. I hope you’ll forgive this momentary detour into reality-based matters. Rest assured, I’m sure I’ll find a funny picture of a squirrel to write about in the very near future.

Please don’t laugh at the face I’m making, I was really drunk. Lists are always fun. I’ve never been one to use them all that often, but I certainly enjoy reading them on other sites. You could say that I have gleaned a great deal of my present-day cache of useless knowledge from reading copious [...]

The following is a conversation between myself and 3 old mates from college. While geographical differences keep us apart, the bond of sarcastic banter binds us… Enjoy. Scott Subject: What up nerds? Just checkin in on everyone. Hope all is well for you peoples. I heard Ethan gained like 60lbs ever since they opened up [...]

Mr. Hoff was my 8th grade science teacher. He was also my junior high football coach. He played football in college and made a point of reminding us of this at every opportunity. He was a mountain of a man. A large, notably out of shape mountain, but still a mountain. From the word “go,” [...]