I am a eco-friendly commuter. I ride Portland’s buses and our wonderful (if a bit pricey) Tri-met LightRail system. The entire time, I have a smug look of self-satisfaction plastered on my face, because I know I’m totally awesome for ditching my car.
Okay, that last part isn’t necessarily true. That look I have on my […]

Some people are too stupid to live.
One of them, I’m now convinced, lives in Florida.
No, I’m not talking about your Uncle Bernard.
I’m talking about the student (or, more frighteningly, students) that turned a substitute teacher in to his supervisor for performing a magic trick in class.
Yes, you read that right. The teacher did a magic […]

If you look at the above graphic for more than, say, five seconds, before you see something terribly wrong, then you need to go back to the fifth grade and start your education all over again. Try paying attention this time.
We all know that Fox News is to real news what a whiffle bat is […]

Cryptosporidium lives in the intestine of infected humans or animals. Millions of crypto parasites can be released in a bowel movement from an infected human or animal. Consequently, Cryptosporidium is found in soil, food, water, or surfaces that have been contaminated with infected human or animal feces.

The most common symptom of cryptosporidiosis is watery diarrhea.

A […]

The big news out of North Dakota (aka “The State You Probably Didn’t Know Existed”) recently is that we are sitting on top of the largest known oil reserves in the lower 48 states, at up to 4.3 billion barrels. This was, of course, a complete surprise to everyone here in the northern most Dakota, […]

you are an idiot. what are you wearing on your feet?!?!? are those SHOES?!?!?! you disgust me.
and you would disgust Adam Sternbergh if he were here right now. writer, author, literary wordsmith, prose monger, sentence spinner, and better, smarter person than you, mr. S has dilligently uncovered a vast conspiracy to make your feet useless: […]

If you’re like me (and seriously, if you are, God speed, brother), you probably spend a lot of your day wondering what you’d do if you were stuck in an elevator for 41 hours. Well, according to this YouTube video I just watched, it would seem the answer is: pushing buttons, laying down, crawling up […]

being a connoisseur of mixed drinks, an idealist caught in the quixotic pursuit of the perfect blend of soft drink and sour mash whiskey, a mediator, liaison, and, at times, martyr struggling to bring together the corporate entities better known as your local coca-cola bottlers’ association and a jack something-or-other from lynchburg, tennessee, i go […]

All of my cousins on my mother’s side of the family are pretty close in age. We all, for the most part, fall within a 10-year window. This made holidays growing up a lot of fun. Sure, we had to drive up to grandma and grandpa’s house in Northern North Dakota, but we got to […]

Let’s face it, no one really likes clowns. It’s amazing that they’re still around, haunting us, stepping on our feet with their comically over-sized shoes and exceeding the occupancy limits of compact cars in a flagrant disregard for the law. They’re shameless, soulless and, let’s face it, probably the same guys that play Santa in […]